Submission

In a Bible study today, we discussed the verses in Ephesians 5 regarding submitting to our husbands.  Specifically, verse 23 talks about husbands being the head of their wives just as Christ is the head of the church.

There were several comments along the lines of "separate but equal", "he makes the final decision, but it's so hard when I don't agree", "friends think I'm crazy to back down", "it's hard to be submissive, since I like to do things my way",  "ugh...", etc.

As I listened to this commentary, a few points that have made a significant influence in my life immediately came to mind.  So, I'll share them here.

1.  If my husband is over me and Christ is over him, I should be praying for him to act that way.  It's not my job to be his mom (he has a FANTASTIC one already), and, as someone pointed out today, it's not my job to be the Holy Spirit.  He has that already, too.  What I can do, should I feel that I could do his job better, is to pray about it.  I can pray for my own attitude to be submissive*.  I can also pray for him to be receptive to the Holy Spirit.  And for wisdom for both of us in general.  

2.  Speaking of not being the Holy Spirit.  It is NOT my job to convict my husband.  However, sometimes, as the person living with him and therefore closest to him, I sometimes see things he may not notice (ditto in reverse, by the way).  If it's small, then I usually tell him sooner rather than later.   If it's a major thing, I wait.  And I pray.  And I wait some more.  Especially when the thing I want to tell him involves a character issue or major item, I try to be sure that we're both in good moods, haven't argued in 48 hours-ish (criticism, no matter how constructive, generally stings at first, so it's good to be feeling loved by the one who is temporarily stinging you), and that we're in a spot where we can talk it out.  Then, if the item has been rubbing against my mind for at least a week (usually ten days or more), and if I feel a peace about discussing it also, I will bring it up.  These criteria - waiting 10 days, and still feeling the strong need to discuss it, but having a peace about bringing it up in the first place - are usually good indicators for me.

3.   Along those same lines, a friend once told me, "Matt doesn't answer to you at the end of the day.  He answers to God."  I need to be loving and supportive.  I will answer to God for how I treated my husband, and my call is to be his helper and to be submissive.  As mentioned in #2, sometimes God will use a spouse as a mirror for attitudes and actions, but it's not our primary job description.  God can do the convicting, purifying, and sanctifying all by Himself without my help.  Both he and Matt would appreciate it if I let God do his job.

4.  Finally, a major point is that when I submit to Matt, I must also give him authority to make decisions.  It is not submission if I tell him "you have authority to make the decision on this issue...but if you choose the solution I dislike, I will not support you...it's your decision.  I submit to you."  Submission minus authority is a hostage situation.  It is NOT submission.

In conclusion, I should be praying for Matt.  After all, he's the one responsible for the spiritual direction of our home.  I need to be supportive, and loving, and helpful.  I can share opinions, but when things are major, I should check in on my motives and with God, before I come charging in all up in his spiritual grill.  And I should give him the authority and encouragement to actually do his job.  It's not an easy job, and frankly, I'm glad it falls to him and not to me.

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*Speaking of submission on my part - can't remember if I've already stated this in a previous post or not, but I've been having serious authority issues lately.  I think it partially stems from having been in authority over hundreds of kids for the past 5 years or so, and then switching to full-time motherhood with no authority outside of my domestic domain.  Now, when anyone in authority says anything, I want to debate.  Not even so much because I disagree with whatever is said, but simply to have the chance to give an opinion.  Or to fight.  Or to throw a temper tantrum.  Whatever.  It's downright scary how rebellious I've been lately.  Been praying about that one, too.  Stay tuned.  It's gotten better, but I'm definitely still a work in progress.

Dr Pepper - Part 1

(This is part of item 5 on my 2011-2012 Resolving Life Posts)

I am was addicted. 

I especially love Sonic's Vanilla Dr Peppers with Extra Vanilla.  (Yes, it's capitalized like a title, because it is a title...the title of my most favorite drink ever! - A big shout out to Sarah S. for the introduction!)

I even had a neighbor once (Jen), who knew a Sonic manager in GA, and he mailed me some vanilla syrup!  Seriously.  (Sonic's is better than anywhere else.  Don't ever get vanilla syrup at McDonald's.  Just sayin'.)

Ok, so the addiction.  It is was real, people.  

I had gotten to the point where I would pray for God to help me be strong.  I'd also begun trying to sneak it in with my breakfast before Matt found out so I could also have it another time (or two.  or three.) during the day without being judged.  I did Weight Watchers in 2008, and I planned my daily points around my 8 oz. of Dr Pepper and splurged my extra points on refills.  Who does that?!?!?

Anyway, back in June last year - Father's Day, to be exact - there was an issue I was praying about.  I had prayed on and off for a LONG time (not sure how long, but at least 9 to 10 months, maybe more), and I just wasn't getting results.  I know God is sovereign over everything and He knows best, but really, by my calculations, there was no reason why the issue shouldn't have been in His will, and therefore answered favorably.

So anyway, I began bargaining.  Because that's what you do when you want your way with God.  You bargain.  Right?  How logical.

Moving on...I began bargaining.  I promised to pray about it every day (it was actually kind of a group of stuff, just to be clear, but one primary issue).  I even set my alarm to go off at the same time every day so I'd remember to pray.

I just didn't have a peace that God was going to go on and do His part in the situation, though, so I didn't feel like daily prayer was enough.  So...I made Him a deal.  (Are you laughing yet?  You TOTALLY should be!)

I told God I would give up Dr Pepper until he answered my prayer(s).  

(Please take a moment to reflect on the absurd things I posted at the beginning of this post.  This was a HUMONGOUS thing.  This was like the ULTIMATE sacrifice - daily - for me.)

In fact, I told God I wouldn't drink soda any more at all until things were resolved.  My only escape clause was if I had an awful stomach ache - then I would have Sprite or something - trust me...I have zero addiction to Sprite. 

At that moment, I'm pretty sure I heard an audible laugh (kind of annoyed, too) from heaven.  

Seriously?  God sacrificed Himself.  His Only Son.  By DYING.  On a CROSS.  For me.  

And to get my way, I'm graciously fasting from SODA?  I have had issues!  God basically said, "That's fine.  You give up your Dr Pepper and all, but does it ever occur to you that if that's your ultimate sacrifice then you have serious problems?  My Son died on a cross so you could give up your Dr Pepper for me?  Why is your FIRST thought in the morning how to get a Dr Pepper into your system without your husband noticing?  Why isn't it praising me or meditating on Scripture, or ANYTHING else?  You're messed up.  Thanks for the offer.  Go ahead.  But you have issues."

*Cough.  (Again, feel free to judge.  I understand.  And laugh.  But, if you know me, you also know that the giving up Dr Pepper thing, as ridiculous as it was, was QUITE ginormous.  FYI.)

Anyway, fast forward a few months.  

The primary issue I had been praying for (as well as several others) have been resolved favorably.  I'm still waiting to hear on the last few.

As far as Dr Pepper...even when all the prayers are finally answered, I'm not sure I'll want to step back into that minefield too quickly.  As dumb as it was, it held serious sway over my life.

Tomorrow, I'll tell you what I've learned since then.

I've never really been one for New Year's Resolutions.

Perhaps that's because I only ever think of the usual stuff like: "journal more" or "eat veggies".  Ick (to the veggies, not the journaling).  As it turns out, I've been resolving several areas of life for the last six months or so, and therefore I didn't really have any new and improved resolutions for 2012, just a continuation plan.

I'm going to share what I've been working on for the latter part of 2011, and then I'll elaborate over the next few posts...which will actually happen soon, because I'm going to type them now and post a little at a time, thus outwitting myself.  Hopefully.

1.  Be intentional with my time.  Don't waste it and then complain that there's not enough time to get things done.

2.  Simplify our stuff.  (Remove clutter...ugh!)

3.  Save money.  (Make Emily's food, for starters.)

4.  Do my job.  (Make meals each night, do laundry, and generally have a presentable house.)

5.  Deal with the little stuff in my life that's keeping me from being who God wants me to be.  (Ahem...Dr. Pepper.  Don't underestimate the power of addictions!)

6.  Raise Emily as well as I possibly can to know and love God, His Word, and His ways.

7.  Create traditions for our family. 

8.  Look nice for Matt and Little Bit.

9.  Make cute stuff.  (Crafting is important.  I'm a recent convert.  I'm still working through this one, but I will post cute things as I steal ideas from other people and make them.  Thanks primarily to Tara and my in-laws for sucking me in with your adorable-ness and making me say, "I can do that."  Sigh.)

So, that's what we'll be discussing over the next few posts.  Stay tuned.

Damp, Dirty, Messy Gratitude

Today, I became a REAL mom.  Today I...

• ...cut my finger on a razor (I was searching for something else in a spot I couldn't see clearly, and I grabbed it with my finger.) *This is not a real mom moment, but it's relevant to the second bullet point, and my finger is still throbbing, so I counted it a bullet-worthy-event on it's own.

• ...fed Emily a bottle instead of nursing for timing reasons (I let her sleep in and then cut my finger, thus skewing my exit strategy a bit.)

• ...witnessed my body go into overflowing mama mode (not nursing overnight OR in the morning apparently has consequences.  Duly noted.)

• ...may have fed her a tiny bit extra in an attempt to stem the surplus. 

• ...received my surplus "gift" back from my generous daughter.  Repeatedly.  (I went through two burp cloths and a receiving blanket.  Oh, and my previously wet shirt became even soggier during this hour-long process of re-gifting.)

• ...had an awkward social encounter as I attempted to use humor to deal with the situation.  Don't ask.  

• ...went through two diapers at once during a diaper change.

• ...had the privilege of testing out our "Wee Guard Car-Seat Saver" (a handy contraption for protecting the car seat from exciting diaper issues) on a massive diaper blowout.  It worked!  Car seat saved!  Em's outfit...not so much.  It didn't come home from lunch with us.  Neither did 18 wipes.  

• ...was outsmarted by a feisty gas pump...almost!  (We got along once I finally remembered to enter my zip code.  Today's events plus gas fumes apparently overwhelmed my brain cells --- or my "read-the-tiny-beeping-screen-and-follow-directions" cells).

• ...gave Em and myself mid-day baths (and trimmed her nails for the second time in 3 days).

• ...plunged a toilet.

The craziest part is that, despite all of these REAL mom moments, I'm extremely grateful.  Not so long ago, such events would have resulted in a massive meltdown with serious entitlement issues (i.e. "I deserve a vanilla Dr. Pepper from Sonic" --- hey, I didn't say I have expensive entitlement issues!)  Instead, I'm content and even a little happy.  All I know is that I'm quite thankful for God's grace.  I'm pretty sure He gave me a double scoop today.  Hopefully today's extra grace wasn't taken from tomorrow!  Either way, I didn't melt down today.  Not even once.  (Stay tuned about tomorrow, though.)

I know there will sometimes be melt-down-y days, and frankly, today would have been understandable, but I'm filled with damp, dirty, messy gratitude that today didn't ruin life.