Exploration!

Lately, we’ve been doing a lot of exploring around here.  I’m going to try to sum it all up as best I can.  

We explored how to use the dishwasher as a water table:

We explored cotton balls, q-tips, and baby-bottle caps:

We explored flour:

We explored Machu Picchu:

 

We explored a mountain next to Machu Picchu (Huyanapicchu):

 

We explored mold on that mountain in search of Hidden Mickeys:

 

We explored drinking with a straw for the first time:

 

We explored Llama-petting (Both llamas and E have two bottom teeth.  Awwww...):

 

We explored swimming in a pool for the first time:

 

We explored Easter-egg hunting:

 

We explored stair-climbing (first try - floor to top in 30 seconds flat without a problem):

 

We explored how to reach new heights:

 

We explored our new baby-pool:

 

We explored beneath a puppy-dog (it was kind of like a reverse-zoo):

 

We explored music (she's a prodigy!):

 

We explored a spiny kiwano (tastes like banana, cucumber, & lemon...mostly cucumber):

 

We explored climbing down the step into the kitchen unassisted:

 

We explored the taste of slinkys (and everything else…the child is part-goat!):

 

TMI WARNING… Scroll down if you still want to know what else we explored.

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We also explored what frog poop looks like (poor guy...it was ultimately half his size!):

 

As you can see, it’s been an adventurous month and a half for us!

Submission

In a Bible study today, we discussed the verses in Ephesians 5 regarding submitting to our husbands.  Specifically, verse 23 talks about husbands being the head of their wives just as Christ is the head of the church.

There were several comments along the lines of "separate but equal", "he makes the final decision, but it's so hard when I don't agree", "friends think I'm crazy to back down", "it's hard to be submissive, since I like to do things my way",  "ugh...", etc.

As I listened to this commentary, a few points that have made a significant influence in my life immediately came to mind.  So, I'll share them here.

1.  If my husband is over me and Christ is over him, I should be praying for him to act that way.  It's not my job to be his mom (he has a FANTASTIC one already), and, as someone pointed out today, it's not my job to be the Holy Spirit.  He has that already, too.  What I can do, should I feel that I could do his job better, is to pray about it.  I can pray for my own attitude to be submissive*.  I can also pray for him to be receptive to the Holy Spirit.  And for wisdom for both of us in general.  

2.  Speaking of not being the Holy Spirit.  It is NOT my job to convict my husband.  However, sometimes, as the person living with him and therefore closest to him, I sometimes see things he may not notice (ditto in reverse, by the way).  If it's small, then I usually tell him sooner rather than later.   If it's a major thing, I wait.  And I pray.  And I wait some more.  Especially when the thing I want to tell him involves a character issue or major item, I try to be sure that we're both in good moods, haven't argued in 48 hours-ish (criticism, no matter how constructive, generally stings at first, so it's good to be feeling loved by the one who is temporarily stinging you), and that we're in a spot where we can talk it out.  Then, if the item has been rubbing against my mind for at least a week (usually ten days or more), and if I feel a peace about discussing it also, I will bring it up.  These criteria - waiting 10 days, and still feeling the strong need to discuss it, but having a peace about bringing it up in the first place - are usually good indicators for me.

3.   Along those same lines, a friend once told me, "Matt doesn't answer to you at the end of the day.  He answers to God."  I need to be loving and supportive.  I will answer to God for how I treated my husband, and my call is to be his helper and to be submissive.  As mentioned in #2, sometimes God will use a spouse as a mirror for attitudes and actions, but it's not our primary job description.  God can do the convicting, purifying, and sanctifying all by Himself without my help.  Both he and Matt would appreciate it if I let God do his job.

4.  Finally, a major point is that when I submit to Matt, I must also give him authority to make decisions.  It is not submission if I tell him "you have authority to make the decision on this issue...but if you choose the solution I dislike, I will not support you...it's your decision.  I submit to you."  Submission minus authority is a hostage situation.  It is NOT submission.

In conclusion, I should be praying for Matt.  After all, he's the one responsible for the spiritual direction of our home.  I need to be supportive, and loving, and helpful.  I can share opinions, but when things are major, I should check in on my motives and with God, before I come charging in all up in his spiritual grill.  And I should give him the authority and encouragement to actually do his job.  It's not an easy job, and frankly, I'm glad it falls to him and not to me.

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*Speaking of submission on my part - can't remember if I've already stated this in a previous post or not, but I've been having serious authority issues lately.  I think it partially stems from having been in authority over hundreds of kids for the past 5 years or so, and then switching to full-time motherhood with no authority outside of my domestic domain.  Now, when anyone in authority says anything, I want to debate.  Not even so much because I disagree with whatever is said, but simply to have the chance to give an opinion.  Or to fight.  Or to throw a temper tantrum.  Whatever.  It's downright scary how rebellious I've been lately.  Been praying about that one, too.  Stay tuned.  It's gotten better, but I'm definitely still a work in progress.

Focus (or lack thereof)

My husband's grandmother passed away unexpectedly Saturday evening.  She and her husband have been amazing testimonies of life, godliness, aging well, and sharing faith with family...among other things. 

Saturday was difficult.  Sunday was slightly exhausting.  Today has been worse than either.  The initial shock has worn off.  The feelings I've got churning around inside on behalf of this wonderful woman's children and grandchildren are deep, and rough, and sad, and heavy.  We rejoice that she is with her Savior, husband, family members, and friends, but we have to keep going on here until our turn comes.  And it stinks. 

She lived with my sister-in-law and family, and they were with her as she passed away quickly and peacefully.  My sweet nephew is learning about death and mortality and asking precious (and difficult) questions.  When the answers are gently explained, he responds even more precious-ly (and difficult-ly) as he processes the new reality.

Emily and her cousins with Vee - 12/2011

I spoke with both sister-in-laws Saturday, but I have had a dull ache in my chest for my poor mother-in-law since then.  Today was the first day I got to speak with her.  Only a few moments.  But now the ache is worse.  And I'm frustrated, because there's not really anything to say initially to make the hurt lessen. We have joy, we have hope, we have peace (ultimately), but there is still a grieving process.  "Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted." (Mt. 5:4).  There is a time for all of these things, and the Lord understands this.  I try to spend time reading my Bible, but I stare off into space.  I think God understands that, too.  I've talked to Him and listened to Him, but right now, I want to be silent before Him and ponder.

Then, to top it off, my Jehovah's Witness visitors returned today and we continued discussing their first principle (the one I still haven't agreed to after 5 times now, so we haven't moved forward).  I kind of wanted to physically fight them today as they told me that Jesus isn't God and that we cease to exist when we die.  How untrue!  That is the exact reason I have hope.  Because those two things are.  Most.  Definitely. True.  I believe that to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord, and that Jesus Christ is God's One and Only Son.  He is the exact representation of God's being, through whom nothing was made that has been made, and he sustains all things by the power of his word.  I also believe that he is seated at the right hand of God in Heaven interceding for us, and that he is the purification for our sins.  (1 Cor. 5:6-8, Heb. 1:3, Jn.1:3, Heb. 7:25) 

And so, today is a bit blah.  I'm heavy with sadness, and I won't see family to hug them until later this week.  But even hugs can only do so much.

Emily with her Vee - 12/2011

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Update: Hugs help quite a bit, though.  My sweet hubby and baby and I all cuddled, and I'm feeling better for the moment.  I'm going to try to get some things done before the next wave hits.  Because, as we know, sorrow doesn't come all at once.  It ebbs and flows for quite a while.

Empathy

Empathy and passion.  For better or worse, these are two of my strongest traits.

When an event occurs in someone's life, it's as if their heart molds with mine.  I literally feel for that person.  Miscarriages (sadly) and new babies (especially) tend to get me all fired up and prayerful as of late. 

If a rotten thing happens to someone I love, or even barely know, I can become nearly sick over it.  In fact, the Olympics wear me out.  I'm so full of joy and pride on behalf of whomever wins, but at the same time, I just feel awful for the 2nd through last place finishers.

Tonight, I just kept saying over and over, "poor Patriots.  That's so frustrating.  They must feel awful." etc.  I was cheering for (and ecstatic for) the Giants!  So why the concern with the Patriots?  Empathy.

When Christopher Hitchens (a grumpy, witty, atheist guy with a great British accent and a huge ego) found out he was terminally ill, I got a stomach ache.  Just thinking about the suddenly-sped-up-closer-to-now encounter with God made me shudder for him.  The day he died, the same sick feeling settled in my stomach.

So, having said that, it's been a passionate, empathetic weekend, and I'm exhausted.  I don't feel like going into details now, but I definitely FEEL.  

This is a picture from when I was 4.5 mos. pregnant.  I sat in the bathroom and laughed and cried for no reason that either of us could discern for 25 minutes.  While empathy is different than hormonal mood swings, the end result frequently looks the same, and this picture is kind of how I feel right now, but a tad less smiley.  And not in maternity pajamas.

The Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil

(This post is part of item 6 on my 2011-2012 Resolving Life post.)

We're reading a book about training children.  The premise is that we should train E for situations before they actually occur so that we're not disciplining and training at the same time...which is kind of frustrating and generally unfair to her.

The primary objectives in the upcoming months are learning the word "no" (that will be this week-ish, btw), and also learning (once she's mobile) to come when we call her the first time.  

Sigh.

I actually just sighed out loud thinking about the days ahead.  I have enjoyed being the mom of an infant for the last 7 months.  She's kind of like a live baby doll.  She does what I want her to do, she stays where I put her, and she smiles when I ask her to.  

Or, she did.  

That began changing around a few weeks ago.  (insert another sigh here)  She is still quite lovable, but she has her own little mind, and her own little personality doesn't always agree with me.  Shocking. 

Anyway, stay tuned for some delightful updates on the training front.  It promises to be quite exciting.

As I was saying, we're reading this book.  It discusses how children may make wrong decisions, but before they know the decisions are wrong and actively choose to disobey, they aren't held accountable for their sins.  

But, at some point, every person has their moment where they face their tree of good and evil, and (as the author points out), so far everyone except for Jesus has failed in that moment.

I burst into tears when I read that.  

As I sat with a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, it made me wonder how God felt on the day He woke up in Heaven on the day Adam and Eve disobeyed.  

(yes...I know His time is different, and He doesn't sleep, etc., etc., etc., but whenever that moment was on the verge of occurring in God-time...)  

I wonder if Jesus prayed for them to make the right decision one last time before they sinned.  He prayed for Peter not to fall away, and that after he did, that Peter would come back.  (Lk. 22:31-32)  I hope Jesus will be praying for Emily in her moment, too.  I think he does.  He died for us for just that reason, and he always lives to intercede for us. (Heb. 7:25)

Anyway...

My baby girl, while born into sin as a human being, still hasn't had her moment to willfully flaunt her sinfulness in the face of God (or us), but the day will come.  When it does, she will fail.  There is nothing I can do to stop her.  I can't reason with her about why it's better to do things God's way, and how He knows best, and why life will just kind of go downhill once she chooses to be disobedient to Him.  I can't tell her that she will spend many hours with an aching emptiness, wondering if anyone (even her parents) love her, and that until she chooses to embrace God's gift of Jesus on the cross, she will never find true joy, or love, or peace, or any of the other fruits that come from a relationship with Him. 

I think even harder than that, though, is that I have to recognize that my baby girl doesn't ultimately belong to me, and I cannot make decisions for her.  I have to trust the One who has rescued me from the pit of despair to do the same for my child.  To make her His child, too.  We have been praying for this since before she was born.  Frankly, since long before I became pregnant.

What can I do, then?  My job is to simply trust God, serve Him, and wholly love Him.  Then, my secondary job is to be the best Mama I can.  I know so many people who've had parents whose lives pushed them further from God.  I've also been privileged to experience the fruit of second and third generations of godly parenting for myself and Matt, and I know that being a godly parent is possible.  I never want anything that I do to be a hindrance to her relationship with our Savior.

So...I will begin training Miss E very, very soon.  But, as I do, I will also be training myself.  I'll be working on my own discipline and example, because that will train her just as much as anything else.

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Update:  I actually typed this a few weeks ago, but I forgot to post it till now.  We've begun working on "no" already.  She understands it most of the time and cries at me in frustration (a fake, annoyed cry...not a real, sad-baby cry) when I tell her no.  But, she has also begun to stop when I tell her no.  In fact, last week, I was at the other end of the room, and she obeyed me despite the distance.  We still need to work on it, but it's coming along.

The current issue we're having is that she is a screamer.  She SCREAMS when we go into her room, because she knows it'd time for a diaper change or a nap, and she doesn't like either option.  I'm not positive, but I think she's going to be a dramatic one.  :)  Oh!  And she wants to be held all the time, too.  By me. 

Sharing the Gospel Without An Argument?

I was once taught how to share the Gospel without an argument.  

It was a method where people would read the Scriptures as I pointed them out and then answer questions that could only be answered one way 

(thus, no argument).  

At the end, I asked if they believed what they had read.  

If yes, they could choose to be saved.  If not, then they couldn't.  

*I'm not sure I ever actually employed said method.

I actually haven't thought about it in a long time until today.

Today, I enjoyed my third visit with Jehovah's Witnesses.  There is always the same woman and then a different partner with her each time.  

I'm pretty sure I irritate my regular woman.  

Positive, in fact.

I don't mean to, I just kind of can't help it.  

She says, "The Bible says _(some random sentence)__ in verse such and such, so the Bible says ___(insert over-reaching-out-of-context-truth-here)____."  

I can't help it.  I stop her and disagree.  

I know it probably upsets her, and I try really hard to be respectful, but when someone tells me what the Bible says and they quote something out of context, I just have to speak up.

Today, I invited them in, and we sat around my very-messy kitchen table with some traces of leftover Christmas decorations floating around.  (Not very PC with the J.W.'s, but I couldn't help it...they knocked while I was putting them away.)  

**And for the Grinches out there who may be judging me:  We were gone for two weeks during Christmas, so we celebrated an extra two weeks here, and then we've been busy.  

If you still feel the need to judge, here you go:  First year of our marriage, we didn't actually know what to do with our live tree after Christmas, so we kind of left him up until Mother's Day.  Really.  Not making it up.  Feel free to judge me on that one.  His name was Clarence, and he was wonderful.

Anyway, we sat down, and they had me read from a book and then answer very detailed questions about what I had read that could only have one possible answer.  

It was INCREDIBLY IRRITATING.  

They didn't leave room for dissent.  Or thinking.  Or anything.  

Just pre-scripted answers to uber-specific questions written by some Watchtower man in the paragraph I had just read.

Another side note...as a teacher, I often did questions like this.  I see now that this wasn't actually asking the children to think at all.  

It's amazing how my students ever learned anything when I treated them in such a dumbed-down way sometimes.  

(Not always...but sometimes.)  

Higher-level thinking involves critique and questioning and reasoning.  NOT regurgitating.  (Which, is really just throwing up.  Throwing up answers I just fed them.  Ew.  Gross.)

So that's how I felt.  I felt like I was just vomiting out what they had force fed me.  I also felt uncomfortable and went on and shared my opinion anyway, 'cause I couldn't help it.

Anyway, the point of all of this, is that Christianity needs to be examined in light of it's claims.  What is it really?  On this side of today, I feel especially strongly that we do a great disservice to anyone upon whom we try to force the Gospel without an argument.

The Gospel is divisive.  It says that I'm not the center of my world, that I'm not good enough, that there is an absolute standard outside of my feelings and beliefs.  It says that if I choose to become a follower of Christ, then rough stuff is ahead.  The Gospel is the only solution to all of the major problems and questions we face, but accepting it forces us to do a radical about-face from the life we would prefer (usually.  Some people tend to want to do what God wants more than others...it's probably a little easier for them initially, until they learn they are just as depraved as everyone else, then it's hard for them, too). It requires an argument with existing beliefs.

So, I'll keep today in mind the next time I try to tell someone about Christ.  They need the opportunity to clearly think through the pros and cons and count the cost on their own.  They need an argument.

The Dirty Diaper Song

I made up a song in lieu of the holidays and lots of dirty diapers around here lately.

To the tune of "Do you hear what I hear?"

Said the mommy to the baby girl...

Do you smell what I smell?

Do you smell what I smell?

In your diaper, warm, baby girl.

Do you smell what I smell?

Do you smell what I smell?

A dump, a dump, fresh out of your rump, with a smell as strong as a skunk.

With a smell as strong as a skunk.

The end.