The Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil

(This post is part of item 6 on my 2011-2012 Resolving Life post.)

We're reading a book about training children.  The premise is that we should train E for situations before they actually occur so that we're not disciplining and training at the same time...which is kind of frustrating and generally unfair to her.

The primary objectives in the upcoming months are learning the word "no" (that will be this week-ish, btw), and also learning (once she's mobile) to come when we call her the first time.  

Sigh.

I actually just sighed out loud thinking about the days ahead.  I have enjoyed being the mom of an infant for the last 7 months.  She's kind of like a live baby doll.  She does what I want her to do, she stays where I put her, and she smiles when I ask her to.  

Or, she did.  

That began changing around a few weeks ago.  (insert another sigh here)  She is still quite lovable, but she has her own little mind, and her own little personality doesn't always agree with me.  Shocking. 

Anyway, stay tuned for some delightful updates on the training front.  It promises to be quite exciting.

As I was saying, we're reading this book.  It discusses how children may make wrong decisions, but before they know the decisions are wrong and actively choose to disobey, they aren't held accountable for their sins.  

But, at some point, every person has their moment where they face their tree of good and evil, and (as the author points out), so far everyone except for Jesus has failed in that moment.

I burst into tears when I read that.  

As I sat with a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, it made me wonder how God felt on the day He woke up in Heaven on the day Adam and Eve disobeyed.  

(yes...I know His time is different, and He doesn't sleep, etc., etc., etc., but whenever that moment was on the verge of occurring in God-time...)  

I wonder if Jesus prayed for them to make the right decision one last time before they sinned.  He prayed for Peter not to fall away, and that after he did, that Peter would come back.  (Lk. 22:31-32)  I hope Jesus will be praying for Emily in her moment, too.  I think he does.  He died for us for just that reason, and he always lives to intercede for us. (Heb. 7:25)

Anyway...

My baby girl, while born into sin as a human being, still hasn't had her moment to willfully flaunt her sinfulness in the face of God (or us), but the day will come.  When it does, she will fail.  There is nothing I can do to stop her.  I can't reason with her about why it's better to do things God's way, and how He knows best, and why life will just kind of go downhill once she chooses to be disobedient to Him.  I can't tell her that she will spend many hours with an aching emptiness, wondering if anyone (even her parents) love her, and that until she chooses to embrace God's gift of Jesus on the cross, she will never find true joy, or love, or peace, or any of the other fruits that come from a relationship with Him. 

I think even harder than that, though, is that I have to recognize that my baby girl doesn't ultimately belong to me, and I cannot make decisions for her.  I have to trust the One who has rescued me from the pit of despair to do the same for my child.  To make her His child, too.  We have been praying for this since before she was born.  Frankly, since long before I became pregnant.

What can I do, then?  My job is to simply trust God, serve Him, and wholly love Him.  Then, my secondary job is to be the best Mama I can.  I know so many people who've had parents whose lives pushed them further from God.  I've also been privileged to experience the fruit of second and third generations of godly parenting for myself and Matt, and I know that being a godly parent is possible.  I never want anything that I do to be a hindrance to her relationship with our Savior.

So...I will begin training Miss E very, very soon.  But, as I do, I will also be training myself.  I'll be working on my own discipline and example, because that will train her just as much as anything else.

----

Update:  I actually typed this a few weeks ago, but I forgot to post it till now.  We've begun working on "no" already.  She understands it most of the time and cries at me in frustration (a fake, annoyed cry...not a real, sad-baby cry) when I tell her no.  But, she has also begun to stop when I tell her no.  In fact, last week, I was at the other end of the room, and she obeyed me despite the distance.  We still need to work on it, but it's coming along.

The current issue we're having is that she is a screamer.  She SCREAMS when we go into her room, because she knows it'd time for a diaper change or a nap, and she doesn't like either option.  I'm not positive, but I think she's going to be a dramatic one.  :)  Oh!  And she wants to be held all the time, too.  By me. 

I've never really been one for New Year's Resolutions.

Perhaps that's because I only ever think of the usual stuff like: "journal more" or "eat veggies".  Ick (to the veggies, not the journaling).  As it turns out, I've been resolving several areas of life for the last six months or so, and therefore I didn't really have any new and improved resolutions for 2012, just a continuation plan.

I'm going to share what I've been working on for the latter part of 2011, and then I'll elaborate over the next few posts...which will actually happen soon, because I'm going to type them now and post a little at a time, thus outwitting myself.  Hopefully.

1.  Be intentional with my time.  Don't waste it and then complain that there's not enough time to get things done.

2.  Simplify our stuff.  (Remove clutter...ugh!)

3.  Save money.  (Make Emily's food, for starters.)

4.  Do my job.  (Make meals each night, do laundry, and generally have a presentable house.)

5.  Deal with the little stuff in my life that's keeping me from being who God wants me to be.  (Ahem...Dr. Pepper.  Don't underestimate the power of addictions!)

6.  Raise Emily as well as I possibly can to know and love God, His Word, and His ways.

7.  Create traditions for our family. 

8.  Look nice for Matt and Little Bit.

9.  Make cute stuff.  (Crafting is important.  I'm a recent convert.  I'm still working through this one, but I will post cute things as I steal ideas from other people and make them.  Thanks primarily to Tara and my in-laws for sucking me in with your adorable-ness and making me say, "I can do that."  Sigh.)

So, that's what we'll be discussing over the next few posts.  Stay tuned.

Shifting Perspectives

Four years ago, I got new eyeballs thanks to lasik!

The doctor warned me that with my strong astigmatism, there was only a 95% chance of total correction, and either way, I would one day need glasses again.  I took my chances and went with lasik.  Best decision ever!!!

Fast forward to a few weeks ago.  I've noticed I have a little bit of night vision trouble, so I went to the eye doctor to get new glasses.  My intention was to use them at night, when I drive, and to make a fashion statement when necessary (glasses are "in" right now, after all).

Anxiously awaiting my new cute accessory, I finally received the call of the week.  My glasses had arrived!  Hurrying to the store, I picked up my new addition (the one that would make several outfits look much better), and I quickly put them on.

Emily and I (and my new glasses)

It was at that moment I discovered I've been experiencing a sort of VHS vision in a Blu-Ray world.  The picture below is the best way I can explain the difference.  The cute li'l fella on the left is perfectly fine---until you see his buddy on the right. 

Speaking of shifting perspectives, every day, I have a pretty good spiritual outlook on life (I think).  At least "left penguin".  Unfortunately, I often rely on my natural perspective in my life and interactions without opening my Bible to see what God's perspective might be or to allow Him to shape my own.  Then, finally, eventually, I'll spend some serious time with God.  The result of such a small effort on my part, is that my vision will shift, for a time, into "right penguin".  My attitude toward spiritual things is heightened.  My interactions with people become more intentional.  Difficult situations seem manageable after spending time with God.  Why on earth would I settle for a VHS approach when God offers a better than Blu-Ray experience?  Besides, without clear focus, am I really making the right decisions, or do they only seem right to me?

As a side note, the first few days (and even a little bit now), I would get headaches as my eyeballs adjusted.  Even though they were seeing things rightly, it had been too long, and they would get overwhelmed.  I found this applied spiritually in a few ways, too.

1.  When Jesus told the disciples he had more to share with them than they could bear at that moment.  It makes a little bit more sense now.

2.  As a grown-up Christian, it's important to be sure that I'm actually acting from a correct perspective.  If I'm not in regular fellowship with God, each time He tries to discipline me or work in me, it'll be like starting from scratch instead of building on what He already began.  Reading the Bible should not be a dramatic vision shift every time.  My vision should already be aligning with God's due to discipline on my end.

3.  Sometimes reading my Bible and being convicted about having a correct view of things might result in a spiritual headache.  The discomfort is not necessarily always a bad thing---especially if the headache is caused by beginning to look at a situation properly.

There you have it.  Glasses.  They're not just an accessory.  Neither is the Bible or prayer.